She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
