Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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