Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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