I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
