Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
