cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize