You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
