Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
