I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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