We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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