I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
