I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
