You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
