Just invented taco cereal.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
