i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
