erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
