So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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