I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
