its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
