Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
