If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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