I'm gonna have a badass scar
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
