so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
