After last night, I could never be a politician.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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