I puked a lego.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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