Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
