so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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