It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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