his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
