Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
