the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
