he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
