If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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