stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
