I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
