I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im holly from the hills drunk
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
