I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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