That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
