she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
