Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize