Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
