So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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