There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
