I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
