I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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