dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
