But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
