I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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