is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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