My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can I color on your dick again?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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