Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
