Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
