I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
