He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
