If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
