Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
