Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
