Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
