Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We need to rekindle our bromance
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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