tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
