There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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