Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
