You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
