Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize