I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
