I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
