I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
