dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
