why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
