Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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