This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
