I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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