it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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